Updated: Apr 2, 2020
Suffering is an ordinary part of human existence. Why pathologise it, when we could be taking active steps to manage it. What does it take to help a person be their own healer? It's all about resilience.
‘It’s a self generating industry — you go in as a service-user and come out as a staff member.’ That’s what my DBT therapist said to me over a decade ago. At the time I found the statement somewhat depressing. So many of us with emotional dysregulation go from patients to practitioners and yet we’re still in a system which in many ways perpetuates negative ideas about mental health.
I'd go so far as to say, many mental health problems, are in fact “iatrogenic illnesses” because it’s often the healthcare professionals who harm us. By insisting we're sick, we're put on a fast-track to failure.
I want my business to be so much more than this. I created Kevin Redmayne Resilience Coaching, because I have taught myself to be my own healer. A “wounded healer” as the legendary Carl Jung would say, because it’s only those who are hurt, who can offer the best medicine. As someone with lived-experience of emotional dysregulation, I know many therapists don’t know what they are talking about. They have the qualifications, but have little insight into what it actually feels like to be us. There are now several treatments which are clinically proven to help individuals with emotional problems attain remission. DBT the original gold standard in personality disorder treatment, is now in competition with Mentalisation-Based Treatment, Schema Therapy, and even the old-school Transference-Focused Psychotherapy. All work and all get results. Nevertheless, I tend to think recovery rather differently. It is a creative endeavour; it requires us to reimagine our lives and construct meaning out of what seems meaningless: Our suffering. This pain which has eaten away at your heart, needs to be reshaped and purified into something worthy of you. This is what most therapists just won’t understand.
Resilience Coaching is a model of life-coaching which teaches individuals to be their own healer. Escaping the narrow confines of psychiatry or psychology, it is about helping individuals manage painful emotions, and painful events skilfully. It is about giving individuals the tools needed to create a life experienced as worth living
Many individuals with emotional dysregulation have been badly hurt by life. I tend to think of them as fledglings who fell from the nest too early. Whether they were pushed, shoved or banished remains unknown, all we know is that they've crash-landed on the concrete with broken wings. It’s here at rock-bottom you have to create a new life for yourself and that's what Resilience Coaching is all about.
Beside one-to-one coaching, I want this site to be the home and online community for fellow travellers. I’ll pack it full of resources: Articles, videos, reviews, news bulletins, and diary extracts. Why? Because I feel self-education is the starting point for any journey. I don’t want you be trapped in the healthcare system, which contributes to further trauma and suffering. I want you to get out and set yourself free. This means redefining what it means to suffer. Everything is ok, even when it's not ok. Your 'symptoms' are normal reactions to abnormal events: Therefore, do not despair - you can get better.
So while this may seem like an advert, it’s also a rallying call. There was a time when I too was a “revolving door” patient, in and out of hospital and consulting rooms, hellbent on self-destruction. I’m now living a life of happiness and serenity. It’s certainly not the life I imagined — I wanted to be a renowned professor or bestselling author, but it didn’t work out that way. Nevertheless, I would not trade what I have now for all the world. Because I have gone through the crisis and reached the otherside.
Right Resilience is about us baby fledglings. Those of us who are pinioned by pain, and grounded by suffering. We’re asked to build a life from ground-up, and fly off towards the future. I want you to know the impossible is possible: Life can get better. You too can be resilient right now.